2 years since the last time I dreamed of our life

2 years since the last time I dreamed of our life with them in it🤍🤍

2 years ago I sat through my appointment absolutely numb. Having given all that I could physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually I quite literally had hit rock bottom. I’ll never forget curling up on our bathroom floor once we got home and telling Hudson I hated myself. I absolutely meant every word. I’ve never felt like more of a failure than I did at that point in my life. Looking back my heart breaks thinking about just how responsible I felt.

I’ve learning that it wasn’t my fault. Nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome. It wasn’t some punishment. It wasn’t because I didn’t take my prenatal that one day. It happened and I’ll never understand why that had to be our story. That’s ok. I’ve learned that understanding “why” isn’t a prerequisite to healing.

There is a unique healing that has come through pregnancy with Della. Initially every fiber of me felt like I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t for them so why could I for her? Learning to hope again, sit with my fears, and make peace with the unknown has been an ongoing process for me🤍 I learned that my body was still capable of beautiful things. Loss didn’t make that any less true. They changed me. Loosing them changed me. I am who I am because of them✨ It still hurts but I’m grateful for where I am today. They will always be my favorite what if🤍🤍

Boat Babies☀️🌊 Elsie on a boat is a total

Boat Babies☀️🌊

Elsie on a boat is a total vibe😂 She could stay out on the boat allllllll day long!!! Her new fav is tubing which is a big step up from last year😍 And she even went surfing with dad🥰 Della is happiest when the boat is moving and has noooooo problem catching a few😴 Summer time is our fav and we are loving it so far🤍

Life lately✨ Zoo🦒 Gardening🌽 Swimming🌊

Life lately✨

Zoo🦒 Gardening🌽 Swimming🌊 Sisterhood💕 Fires🔥 Cuddles🥰 Cotton Candy💗 and Family🥹 Love this life of mine❤️💕

Full Heart Full House❤️💕 I learned many ye

Full Heart Full House❤️💕

I learned many years ago that a full heart is where it begins… a heart of gratitude comes first. I don’t think I would have been able to enjoy motherhood if I hadn’t learned to have peace and love within myself first💗 Balancing life the last few months hasn’t been easy and there have been several tears as I’ve learned to find my new sense of normal😅 But I’ve been reminded that I’m only the best I can be when my heart is full🥹 So for the struggling mama I hope you can find time to rest, refuel, reflect and remember that your cup needs filled too so you can enjoy and savor the full home too❤️ #motherhood Idaho #girlmom #maternalmentalhealth #idahotherapist #postpartumjourney #postpartumsupport

This season is full of intention…. Learning how

This season is full of intention….

Learning how to be a mom of 2 littles + finishing up my masters degree + being a wife has been a big mindset shift for me🤍 Gone are the easy date nights and hours of devotion to solely one child. Each minute of my day is full of decisions that weigh heavily on my heart. Being intentional with my time is the only way I can move through this season and look back 6 months from now with no regrets🙃 It’s acknowledging big emotions and understanding each family members needs🫶🏼

It’s picking a child up early from school so we can enjoy a rainy day together. It’s putting off the paper until after bedtime because the girls needed their mama to be present. It’s putting down the ToDo list during nap and dancing in the rain with Elsie💗 It’s writing pen pals and prioritizing family time. It’s date nights in after the girls go to bed ❤️ It’s late nights of homework and documenting and diagnosing. This season is temporary but it’s teaching me so much about being an intentional mother and partner🥹 They are my world and today, although it did not go how I originally planned, was pretty special and exactly what our hearts needed🥰

#girlmom #idahomom #motherhood #mastersdegree #idahocounseling #maternalmentalhealth mom guilt #momlife

My biggest honor is being their mama🥹💕 I sp

My biggest honor is being their mama🥹💕

I spent many Mothers Day’s with a broken heart. I always dreamed of being a mom and for years it felt like that would never happen for me. Elsie and Della are our miracles and today feels like I’m celebrating them finding their way to me too🥹 I’m far from perfect but each day with them is a gift and I’m so grateful to be theirs💗 Thank you to all of the amazing moms in our lives both seen and unseen who have helped me become a mother and paved the way for me✨ Elsie and Della are so lucky to have so many amazing role models in their lives❤️

4 Months with our Della Rue💕 Most days she doe

4 Months with our Della Rue💕

Most days she doesn’t seem real🥹 Della is the smiliest baby and we adore her squinty eyed open mouth gummy smile😍 She is the best little sleeper and loves her starfish suite (iykyk⭐️) She loves her big sister and holding her hand🥹💗

I am 1 in 6 women who are infertile. When we dec

I am 1 in 6 women who are infertile.

When we decided to grow our family 7 years ago I never expected the journey we were about to begin. Infertility has changed me to my core. It has impacted every aspect of my life just as I was told it would. It changed my marriage. It changed the way I think of motherhood. It made me become acquainted with grief. It changed the way I viewed my body. It opened my eyes to a world of waiting. It forced me to accept my limits. It encouraged me to find joy in the present. It taught me about Gods love. It showed me the only timing that matters is His. Infertility has broken me in ways I can’t begin to describe and has healed me in ways I never imagined🤍 This week is #nationalinfertilityawarenessweek so I’ll be sharing key moments in my infertility journey that have shaped me✨ For those on the outside looking in I hope my experiences give you insight on how to support and love your infertile friends💗 For those in the thick of it I hope my experiences help you not to feel so alone and perhaps a little hope when hope feels too hard💕
Xx your infertile friend

#infertility #infertilityjourney #infertilitysupport motherhood #infertilitywarrior ivf #idahomom

Happy Easter 🐣🐰☀️🌷 So grateful for o

Happy Easter 🐣🐰☀️🌷

So grateful for our family and our savior🤍

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Autumn Wardrobe Essentials

Motherhood · November 9, 2023

Autumn Wardrobe Essentials

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2 years since the last time I dreamed of our life

2 years since the last time I dreamed of our life with them in it🤍🤍

2 years ago I sat through my appointment absolutely numb. Having given all that I could physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually I quite literally had hit rock bottom. I’ll never forget curling up on our bathroom floor once we got home and telling Hudson I hated myself. I absolutely meant every word. I’ve never felt like more of a failure than I did at that point in my life. Looking back my heart breaks thinking about just how responsible I felt.

I’ve learning that it wasn’t my fault. Nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome. It wasn’t some punishment. It wasn’t because I didn’t take my prenatal that one day. It happened and I’ll never understand why that had to be our story. That’s ok. I’ve learned that understanding “why” isn’t a prerequisite to healing.

There is a unique healing that has come through pregnancy with Della. Initially every fiber of me felt like I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t for them so why could I for her? Learning to hope again, sit with my fears, and make peace with the unknown has been an ongoing process for me🤍 I learned that my body was still capable of beautiful things. Loss didn’t make that any less true. They changed me. Loosing them changed me. I am who I am because of them✨ It still hurts but I’m grateful for where I am today. They will always be my favorite what if🤍🤍

Boat Babies☀️🌊 Elsie on a boat is a total

Boat Babies☀️🌊

Elsie on a boat is a total vibe😂 She could stay out on the boat allllllll day long!!! Her new fav is tubing which is a big step up from last year😍 And she even went surfing with dad🥰 Della is happiest when the boat is moving and has noooooo problem catching a few😴 Summer time is our fav and we are loving it so far🤍

Life lately✨ Zoo🦒 Gardening🌽 Swimming🌊

Life lately✨

Zoo🦒 Gardening🌽 Swimming🌊 Sisterhood💕 Fires🔥 Cuddles🥰 Cotton Candy💗 and Family🥹 Love this life of mine❤️💕

Full Heart Full House❤️💕 I learned many ye

Full Heart Full House❤️💕

I learned many years ago that a full heart is where it begins… a heart of gratitude comes first. I don’t think I would have been able to enjoy motherhood if I hadn’t learned to have peace and love within myself first💗 Balancing life the last few months hasn’t been easy and there have been several tears as I’ve learned to find my new sense of normal😅 But I’ve been reminded that I’m only the best I can be when my heart is full🥹 So for the struggling mama I hope you can find time to rest, refuel, reflect and remember that your cup needs filled too so you can enjoy and savor the full home too❤️ #motherhood Idaho #girlmom #maternalmentalhealth #idahotherapist #postpartumjourney #postpartumsupport

This season is full of intention…. Learning how

This season is full of intention….

Learning how to be a mom of 2 littles + finishing up my masters degree + being a wife has been a big mindset shift for me🤍 Gone are the easy date nights and hours of devotion to solely one child. Each minute of my day is full of decisions that weigh heavily on my heart. Being intentional with my time is the only way I can move through this season and look back 6 months from now with no regrets🙃 It’s acknowledging big emotions and understanding each family members needs🫶🏼

It’s picking a child up early from school so we can enjoy a rainy day together. It’s putting off the paper until after bedtime because the girls needed their mama to be present. It’s putting down the ToDo list during nap and dancing in the rain with Elsie💗 It’s writing pen pals and prioritizing family time. It’s date nights in after the girls go to bed ❤️ It’s late nights of homework and documenting and diagnosing. This season is temporary but it’s teaching me so much about being an intentional mother and partner🥹 They are my world and today, although it did not go how I originally planned, was pretty special and exactly what our hearts needed🥰

#girlmom #idahomom #motherhood #mastersdegree #idahocounseling #maternalmentalhealth mom guilt #momlife

My biggest honor is being their mama🥹💕 I sp

My biggest honor is being their mama🥹💕

I spent many Mothers Day’s with a broken heart. I always dreamed of being a mom and for years it felt like that would never happen for me. Elsie and Della are our miracles and today feels like I’m celebrating them finding their way to me too🥹 I’m far from perfect but each day with them is a gift and I’m so grateful to be theirs💗 Thank you to all of the amazing moms in our lives both seen and unseen who have helped me become a mother and paved the way for me✨ Elsie and Della are so lucky to have so many amazing role models in their lives❤️

4 Months with our Della Rue💕 Most days she doe

4 Months with our Della Rue💕

Most days she doesn’t seem real🥹 Della is the smiliest baby and we adore her squinty eyed open mouth gummy smile😍 She is the best little sleeper and loves her starfish suite (iykyk⭐️) She loves her big sister and holding her hand🥹💗

I am 1 in 6 women who are infertile. When we dec

I am 1 in 6 women who are infertile.

When we decided to grow our family 7 years ago I never expected the journey we were about to begin. Infertility has changed me to my core. It has impacted every aspect of my life just as I was told it would. It changed my marriage. It changed the way I think of motherhood. It made me become acquainted with grief. It changed the way I viewed my body. It opened my eyes to a world of waiting. It forced me to accept my limits. It encouraged me to find joy in the present. It taught me about Gods love. It showed me the only timing that matters is His. Infertility has broken me in ways I can’t begin to describe and has healed me in ways I never imagined🤍 This week is #nationalinfertilityawarenessweek so I’ll be sharing key moments in my infertility journey that have shaped me✨ For those on the outside looking in I hope my experiences give you insight on how to support and love your infertile friends💗 For those in the thick of it I hope my experiences help you not to feel so alone and perhaps a little hope when hope feels too hard💕
Xx your infertile friend

#infertility #infertilityjourney #infertilitysupport motherhood #infertilitywarrior ivf #idahomom

Happy Easter 🐣🐰☀️🌷 So grateful for o

Happy Easter 🐣🐰☀️🌷

So grateful for our family and our savior🤍

Some BUNNY is so smiley lately😍🐰 Obsessed w

Some BUNNY is so smiley lately😍🐰

Obsessed with her squinty eyed smile and how attentive she is🥹 Della Rue we love you💗

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